来自 港台明星 2019-10-04 22:43 的文章
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王大妈关于心绪咨询功能的演说

I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, The same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose.

Oh,there's not enough room for all my genius,so I'm leaving you with my fear of wicker furniture,my desire to play the trumpet,my tentative plans to purchase a hat,and six years of improv workshops. Comedy comes in threes.

-Because I don't respect therapy,because I'm a scientist. Because I invent,transform,create,and destroy for a living,and when I don't like something about the world,I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking,which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat,but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle — when I feel like it. So...you asked. -Rick,the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family,you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. And I think it's because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control. You chose to come here,you chose to talk to belittle my vocation,just as you chose to become a pickle. You are the master of your universe,and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces. You enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy,the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing,maintaining,and cleaning is it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just work. And the bottom line is,some people are okay going to work,and some people...well,some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose.

Oh, I get it. The old behind-every-great-man Amazon twist.

S3

Y-you're like hitler,but even Hitler cared about Germany or something.

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Employee of the month,ladies and gentlemen.

-Rick,what about the reality we left behind? -What about the reality Hitler cured cancer,Marty?The answer is don't think about it.

The reason anyone would do this is,if they could,which they can't,would be because they could.

Pride cometh before the fall.

I don't do magic,Morty,I do science. One takes brains,the other takes dark eye liner.

Always wait for permission to feel accomplishment.

Life is effort.I'll stop when I die!

Isotope 322. This stuff's powerful,Morty,it makes Isotope 465 look like Isotope 317.

Yeah,I'd like to get a 10-piece McNugget and a bunch of the Szechuan sauce. Like,as much as you're allowed to give me.

So safe,so comfortable,so Shoney's.

-No,because I need a living organism coated in gibble snake bile to attract a shmooglite runner. -Wait,what's happening? -Use that confusion,Jerry. It will make you wriggle more like an abandoned newborn.

Don't hate the player,hate the game,son.

And that's how I took my storefront into the forefront of the (up)? front.

My life has been a lie! God is dead! The government's lame! Thanksgiving is about killing Indians! Jesus wasn't born on Christmas! They moved the date! It was a pagan holiday!

What does a rapist look like exactly,Beth? Is it a Slavic man wearing a denim jacket with a patchy beard and the scent of cheap champagne waft over his blister-pocked lips?

All right,third time's the charm.

Save it for the Semantics Dome,E.B. White.

The young eat the old if you let them,Jerry.

S2

But there comes a time in every man's life when he must choose the foundation on which his legacy will be built. One of compromise or one of blood.

No. I'd say,given what we've been through,that I was right the whole time and any epiphanies about gender politics were a projection of your feminine insecurity.

So,as they say in Canada,pace oot!

I was zuckerberging people before Zuckerberg's balls dropped.

Pssh. White-people problems,Morty.

-Obviously,at some point,the Gazorpians became so evolved that they replaced females with birthing machines.The resultant lack of distraction and hen-pecking allowed them to focus entirely on war,so they bombed themselves back to the Stone Age,and now they just fight with each other over fake [Bleep] with sticks and rocks all day long. -You think it's efficient to get rig of woman? -You ever see a line for the men's room?

Well,we can't all be raised like reptiles by a mentally ill scientist.

Listen,you have my words as a caregiver.

ghoulish overkill

S1

I'll make it up as I go.

Well,La-di-da.

So,to be clear,I sometimes reference the geopolitical complexities of the topic which is not the same as going to an anti-Semitic place.

That's...humbling and flattering.

This microscope reveals things beyond comprehension.

To get wriggledy wriggedy wrecked,son!

It's like the N-word and the C-word had a baby and it was raised by all the bad words for Jews.

Cosmic apotheosis wears off faster than salvia.

Take it easy. This is a blessing in disguise.

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